Burst Bubbles

My grades have been posted, and I have all A’s again this quarter!  I honestly don’t know how that happened.  I feel that I slacked off like crazy the entire last half of the quarter.  I had a major project (the only thing that was really graded) in one class, and I left it until the morning it was due to do any real work on it.  I had filled out all the forms and things but hadn’t written up my business plan or done any kind of floor plan or really any research at all.  How I still got an A is a mystery, but I’ll take it!  Half of the time I spend in class, I can be found wandering around the halls and generally not doing anything.  I’m sure it’s frustrating for my group members, and I do feel a little bad about it, but I get bored and antsy.  I can’t stand still.  And, when there’s only so much to actually do, it’s hard for me to focus my attention on the task at hand.  Still, I got all A’s, so I’ve made the Dean’s list for the 3rd quarter in a row.  I joke with my mom that it’s probably worse NOT to make the Dean’s list at Hocker College than it is to make the Dean’s list.

I’ve got one more week of utter freedom from academic cares until my summer classes start.  I’m taking Hospitality Supervision (online – yikes!); Salads, Sandwiches, and Eggs; Beginning Swimming (fun!); and Baking Lab III.  It’s a lighter load than in past quarters, so maybe it will be a little easier.  I somehow doubt it, but we’ll see how things pan out.  I would love it to be a lighter quarter!  That would really help me achieve the summer of fun!

I’ve also decided that this summer is going to be the summer of jello shots.  I found a web site that has tons of recipes for jello shot versions of all sorts of cocktails.  I’d like to try a new one each week.  We’ll see how that works out for me!  The first one I want to try is a watermelon basil concoction.  It sounds so delightful and refreshing.

I’ve noticed lately that my attitude has become a little pessimistic.  I try very hard to be positive and up-beat, but I also tend to be a realist in that I never allow my expectations to get out of control.  I fear that this is seen as pessimism and negativity.  I also fear that it’s creeping into my psyche as pessimism and negativity.  I have a bad habit of letting my expectations run wild, and when I’m inevitably disappointed, it’s crushing.  I hate to be sad, and I hate that things that should give me joy are instead a source of pain for me because I have let myself get my hopes up far too high.  I allow the image I have of what a perfect X, Y, or Z should be ruin my experience of the actual X, Y, or Z.  I haven’t fully learned how to live in the moment.  I can pull it off occasionally, but I cannot sustain it with any regularity or consistency.  Perhaps my best bet is to go into all situations with no expectations of how things will resolve or end.  Maybe then, I’ll be able to enjoy myself more fully.

–Casey, spaced-out and disappointed


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