One Year In

It’s been a year since I moved back to Lancaster.  Technically, I should have written this post last Friday (September 9), but as it’s The Summer of Zero Fucks, who cares if I’m exactly on time with this?  Especially since I’ve been so terrible about posting in general.

I was dreading the one-year anniversary of leaving E.H. and Maryland, but it turned out to be okay.  I was extremely distracted on Friday.  I have found that distraction is the best way to cope with all of this horrible, stupid, messy life crap I’m going through right now.  That and a dedication to exercise.  I’ve been exercising most days of the week, and usually twice each day.  I’ll swim then go for a run, or I’ll run in the morning then run again in the evening.  I have tapered off a little because the last couple weeks have been crazy-busy with the end of the quarter, but I’ve lost something like 25 pounds, which I’m thrilled about.  My last run was 3 miles, and I ran it in just under 26 minutes.  The farther I go, the slower I am, but I’m at about a 9-minute-mile pace or less when I go out.  The swimming has done wonders for my speed!

My best friend’s older sister passed away on Monday, and her funeral was Friday morning.  It was a heart-breaking thing.  I couldn’t think of myself or my own heart-ache.  All I could think about was Ally and Emma and Cindy and John and how they lost Sarah far too soon.  It was horrible, difficult, sickening.  I can only imagine how Ally feels losing her sister.

Friday evening I worked a catering event with one of my chefs from school.  It was a rehearsal dinner at the Shade Winery, which is a little past Athens, OH (Athens is where Ohio University is, and it’s about 45 minutes from Lancaster).  We left Lancaster around 2:45, and I got home around midnight.  It was pretty busy the entire time, and I was happy to help out.

This week, I’m house sitting for my aunt.  She lives in the outskirts of town (they moved recently), and the house is bananas.  There’s a lot of nature out there, which is nice.  It’s very quiet, which I appreciate more than I can express.  I love my parents, and I am so grateful that they took me in, but I’m struggling living with them.  It’s really hard on me.  I have less privacy than I want, and I don’t think they’re intentionally annoying me with their constant questions, but they won’t stop even when I ask them to.  It’s frustrating.  So, I stay out of the house as much and as long as I possibly can.  I don’t have a safe haven right now.  They told me they’d help me with rent if I want to move out, but I hate to be dependent on them like that.  It’s putting more stress on me than it probably should, but I don’t know what to do about it.  One of my other aunts offered me the use of the apartment above her garage if I want it.  The only draw-back is there’s no kitchen up there.  Otherwise it’d be perfect.

I have the next two weeks off from school.  The new quarter starts on September 27, and I’m both dreading and looking forward to it.  The summer was nice because there was a low level of drama and nonsense.  The fall has the potential to be either great or horrible, depending on how much people feel like fucking with me.  I’m hoping it will be very little, but I’m afraid it’s going to be a lot.  People seem to want to be all in my business and stomping around in my life like they own it.  I think I need to be more assertive with telling people to step back and leave me alone.  That’s going to be hard because my natural tendency is to be too nice.  It should be interesting, to say the least!

There’s just one more difficult date to get through this month – my wedding anniversary.  It’s on September 23, which is a Friday.  I’m kind of glad of that because it’s the day I work at my uncle’s office.  That will distract me at least a little.  Hopefully there’s a project I can work on that day.  I think I need to make some plans with some friends that day so that I can keep it out of my brain.


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