One Year In

It’s been a year since I moved back to Lancaster.  Technically, I should have written this post last Friday (September 9), but as it’s The Summer of Zero Fucks, who cares if I’m exactly on time with this?  Especially since I’ve been so terrible about posting in general.

I was dreading the one-year anniversary of leaving E.H. and Maryland, but it turned out to be okay.  I was extremely distracted on Friday.  I have found that distraction is the best way to cope with all of this horrible, stupid, messy life crap I’m going through right now.  That and a dedication to exercise.  I’ve been exercising most days of the week, and usually twice each day.  I’ll swim then go for a run, or I’ll run in the morning then run again in the evening.  I have tapered off a little because the last couple weeks have been crazy-busy with the end of the quarter, but I’ve lost something like 25 pounds, which I’m thrilled about.  My last run was 3 miles, and I ran it in just under 26 minutes.  The farther I go, the slower I am, but I’m at about a 9-minute-mile pace or less when I go out.  The swimming has done wonders for my speed!

My best friend’s older sister passed away on Monday, and her funeral was Friday morning.  It was a heart-breaking thing.  I couldn’t think of myself or my own heart-ache.  All I could think about was Ally and Emma and Cindy and John and how they lost Sarah far too soon.  It was horrible, difficult, sickening.  I can only imagine how Ally feels losing her sister.

Friday evening I worked a catering event with one of my chefs from school.  It was a rehearsal dinner at the Shade Winery, which is a little past Athens, OH (Athens is where Ohio University is, and it’s about 45 minutes from Lancaster).  We left Lancaster around 2:45, and I got home around midnight.  It was pretty busy the entire time, and I was happy to help out.

This week, I’m house sitting for my aunt.  She lives in the outskirts of town (they moved recently), and the house is bananas.  There’s a lot of nature out there, which is nice.  It’s very quiet, which I appreciate more than I can express.  I love my parents, and I am so grateful that they took me in, but I’m struggling living with them.  It’s really hard on me.  I have less privacy than I want, and I don’t think they’re intentionally annoying me with their constant questions, but they won’t stop even when I ask them to.  It’s frustrating.  So, I stay out of the house as much and as long as I possibly can.  I don’t have a safe haven right now.  They told me they’d help me with rent if I want to move out, but I hate to be dependent on them like that.  It’s putting more stress on me than it probably should, but I don’t know what to do about it.  One of my other aunts offered me the use of the apartment above her garage if I want it.  The only draw-back is there’s no kitchen up there.  Otherwise it’d be perfect.

I have the next two weeks off from school.  The new quarter starts on September 27, and I’m both dreading and looking forward to it.  The summer was nice because there was a low level of drama and nonsense.  The fall has the potential to be either great or horrible, depending on how much people feel like fucking with me.  I’m hoping it will be very little, but I’m afraid it’s going to be a lot.  People seem to want to be all in my business and stomping around in my life like they own it.  I think I need to be more assertive with telling people to step back and leave me alone.  That’s going to be hard because my natural tendency is to be too nice.  It should be interesting, to say the least!

There’s just one more difficult date to get through this month – my wedding anniversary.  It’s on September 23, which is a Friday.  I’m kind of glad of that because it’s the day I work at my uncle’s office.  That will distract me at least a little.  Hopefully there’s a project I can work on that day.  I think I need to make some plans with some friends that day so that I can keep it out of my brain.


Updates…It’s September Already?!

So, yeah, it’s September.  I’m as shocked as you are.  I can’t believe how quickly this year has flown by.  I thought this summer was going to be all leisurely and relaxed.  No way, kemosabe.  It was all kinds of strung-out, liquor-soaked madness fueled by sheer will and loads of caffeine.  My farmer’s market attendance has fizzled completely since the summer quarter started, mostly because I’m working at my uncle’s office all day Friday then racing down to Nelsonville to work at Rhapsody, the fine dining restaurant associated with Hocking College, Friday night.  It’s been sickeningly hectic, that.  I’m not really complaining, mind you.  It was poor timing and even worse planning on my part.  So, lesson learned.

There’s been some drama.  Not nearly as much as Spring quarter (it’s ridiculous how glad I was to see the back-end of that quarter) but enough to make me kind of hate my fellow students.  Most people are gone for the summer, so the drama has been short-lived and mostly uneventful nonsense.  I’m very grateful for that.  I don’t need the level of bananas drama I experienced last quarter.  It’s not sustainable, and I’d eventually go fully bananas myself if I had to endure that.

My nephew, Sam-pants, is getting bigger by the day.  At his 4-month check-up, he was measuring in the 90th percentile for height and weight.  He was around the size of the average 6-month-0ld at that point, and he’s grown since then.  He’s very chatty, and he just got his first tooth over the weekend.  He’ll be 6 months old this weekend (on Sunday, to be exact).  He’s very sweet and happy.  He kind of knows his name.  He responds to it about 75 percent of the time, which is kind of neat.  He’ll look in the direction of whomever is speaking and put on a big grin.  I noticed over the weekend that he’s got some Welsh facial expressions.  He furrows his brow like we do, and he raises a single eyebrow.  The only thing that would make him cuter would be a pair of dimples, which I’m a little bummed he didn’t get.

My sister got married to Sam’s dad over the weekend!  I did the cake and cupcakes for the wedding.  I was also the maid of honor, which was not as much responsibility as a typical wedding, just because I’m so darn busy most of the time.  I did give a toast, which was short and sweet.  I followed the best man, who was very emotional throughout his toast.  I didn’t want to do that, so I kept it kind of funny and light and loving.  Everyone agreed that it was good, especially after the best man’s toast.  We all had a blast.  My siblings were all in town for it, and as usually occurs, we drank far more than a reasonable person would find appropriate and proceeded to harass anyone within firing range.  A good time was generally had by all.

The summer quarter is ending this Friday.  I could not be happier.  I’m so burned out.  Living in my parents’ house hasn’t helped.  I absolutely adore my parents, but they have been working every frayed nerve I have this summer.  I can’t get away from them. I would love to leave the house without being peppered with questions, but that just doesn’t happen.  Ever.  I’m so tired of it.  I am actually thinking of getting another job and moving out when my dissolution crap is finally done. (I have to reside in the county in which I will be filing the paperwork for 6 months, so if I move down to Athens, which is my plan, I’d have to start the 6-month wait over.  Not.  Happening.)  I’m eternally grateful to them for taking me in, and I love them.  I am just too used to the autonomy I had when I was living away from home.  It’s not in the natural progression to live with your parents at 31 years old.  I need my own space, and I don’t have that here.  I have a room in their house and more questions from them than I care to answer.  Le sigh.  Hopefully it will be over soon, and I will be able to get on with my life.  Until then, living the dream in Lamecaster, OH.

[A Witty Subject Goes Here]

I thought of a really clever name for this post earlier today, but now I’ve completely forgotten it.  I’m sure I’ll wake up at 2 AM with a “eureka” moment, but until then, I’ll just have to leave everyone (myself included) in suspense as to my wry title.

So, a few things have happened since last I posted.

First, I’ve done some odd-job type stuff in the last few weeks that has resulted in a little more financial security.  I house-sat, and I’m doing some catering stuff for a local restaurant (helping out with the catering they do, not actually doing any of the catering/planning/cooking/what-have-you myself).  I’ll be house-sitting and helping out with catering again in the next month or two.

Second, my quarter is chugging right along, which means I’m getting dangerously close to mid-terms.  I’ve gone to some parties, and I’ve hung out with my 3 girlfriends that are still in Nelsonville, much to my delight. I do not feel as though I have a strenuous quarter at all, which is a pretty good feeling.  There are days that I feel a bit overwhelmed, but they are few and far between and are typically not as stressful or as drama-filled as my least-busy days last quarter.

Third, I’ve had a bit of a spat with the ex.  I got some things off my chest that have been really putting a strain on me emotionally.  I told him how I felt about some of the things that have gone on and how disappointed and sad and just angry I feel.  He’s made an offer that is going to result in me finally getting this darn divorce over and done with.  I’ve held up the process waiting for him to do what he’s been insisting I do – be decent about this whole thing.  So, my lawyer is getting ready to put together the final stuff, and I’m hoping I can be done with him and this whole messy business for good very soon.  There’s a required 30-day wait, but once the papers are filed with the courts, it will be finalized within 90 days. Thank goodness!  I’m so glad to see the light at the end of this crushing tunnel!

I’ve tried really hard not to allow my negative feelings and anger toward him creep into my posts, and I know I’ve not always succeeded.  He was my best friend, and he tossed me aside.  I’ve healed a great deal from that self-esteem- and pride-damaging event.  I’m not quite there, but I’m so much better than I was when I moved back to Lancaster.  Once the dissolution is completed, I’m hoping to close the door on him and all that he did to put me in the position to make the decisions I made 10 months ago.  I love the decisions I made, and I feel that they were the right ones for me.  However, I can’t be happy about what caused me to make them.  After the dissolution hearing, I would prefer that I never see him ever again in my life.  Not because of hate but because I no longer consider him worth my attention, and I do not want to have to be rude.

My sister’s wedding is coming up in a little over a month.  My mom and dad are pretty much planning the entire thing.  My sister is telling them what she wants, and they’re making sure that things line up here in Lancaster.  She’s getting married in my parents’ home parish, which is where they got married.  I’m maid of honor, and I’m doing the desserts.  They’ve asked for cupcakes and a small cake for them to cut at the reception.  I am going to do 2 or 3 flavors of each, enough for everyone to have one of each flavor.  Since there are only about 35 people coming, it shouldn’t be terribly difficult, but I think I’ll have to do most of my baking down in Nelsonville.  I will do the icing at home, but we don’t have the capacity for 100+ cupcakes at my parents’ house, even with the double-ovens!  At school, I’ll be able to put all of the cupcakes in the oven at about the same time, and it will be about half a day of work instead of like 3 days if I did it all at home.

I am missing all of my far-flung friends (or maybe I’m the one that’s far-flung).  I don’t get to talk to any of you as much as I’d like.  Even with a less-busy summer quarter, I’m not exactly sitting at home every day twiddling my thumbs waiting for things to happen.  With lab hours, my friends, and all the stuff I have been doing for myself, I’m not exactly swimming in free time.  But, that’s how I like it!  I sometimes feel like a shark – I have to keep moving or I’ll die!

Medical Drama

My grandpa is in the hospital.  He’s been there for 4 weeks.  Right now he’s a unit one level below the ICU.  They took his gall bladder out earlier in the week because it was gangrenous.  They also discovered late last week that he has VRE, a bacteria that’s resistant to the usual antibiotic used to treat it.  The first 2 1/2 weeks, they couldn’t figure out why he was sick, so knowing some of what’s causing all this is good.  His wife, my step-grandma, had surgery to remove a mass in her colon on Thursday afternoon.  She’s in the hospital for at least 4 days, more if they think she needs it.

I’ve been pretty level-headed about this whole enterprise.  Grandpa’s 87.  He’s not going to live forever.  Marlene is 72, but she’s the most active, fit, and healthy person I’ve ever met.  She bikes and runs and hikes and eats whole grains and fresh produce all the time.  The doctors are very positive that she’ll bounce back from this and don’t think that the cancer has yet spread to her lymph nodes.

This morning, I checked my inbox, and it was flooded with e-mails from family.  They are a little crazy, but they’re trying to keep everyone in the loop about everything, so there are dozens of e-mails back and forth.  It’s a little much.  This morning, though, I found an e-mail with a picture attached.  It’s the first time I’ve ever thought that my grandpa may not survive this.  It was a picture of him in a hospital bed, and his wife (in full hospital gown, IV cart at her side) is standing over him, talking to him to see how he feels.  It doesn’t sound like much, but it’s one of those things that I just reacted to.  For the first time since this entire ordeal began, I’m feeling a little sad about it.

I hope that my step-grandma recuperates as well as they are expecting, and I hope that my grandpa is able to get home at some point.  I know that’s all he wants – to be home.